One of the things I love about autumn is the gathering of leaves on my car from the big tree out the front of the house. The real delight comes when I’ve backed out onto the street, spun the wheel, set my course and set off. That’s when the course of destiny for those flaming beauties and the colourful cacophony’s residue, browned and crinkled, takes it own turn as the leaves launch off the bonnet and windscreen, over the roof and towards unknown adventures…those that dance, those that dive and those that cling, fluttering through separation and release.
It’s a nice image in my mind that causes my lips to rise up as I use it to send on its way the things I want to let go of or say goodbye to. Like those few tears of frustration and sadness I cried this afternoon when those energy suckers inside me left me unable to even hold up a book. Like the annoyance of the cat having peed on the spare bed. Like the mud on the driveway that keeps threatening to bog the car. Like the receipts in my wallet that have swelled it up such that I can’t ignore I’ve been ignoring keeping up to date with data entry for my budget. All those things in a messy (and probably smelly, thank you cat pee) flurry have shot off the bonnet and over the roof and on their way and just left me with the grin.
Stripping things away, being bare and beautiful and prime for renewal. It’s a nice thing to find in the Autumn. It’s a nice state of self to embrace when you know the best way is forward and through your own seasons. For what you will find is not only the potential for how you want to blossom, but also the truth that is your essence bared. It makes me think of the beautiful gum trees beneath bark.
Actually our bark is beautiful too. Yes, let’s forget about that big tree out the front of my house, it’s dumping drab brown leaves everywhere and giving me hay fever! I’d rather call to mind the colour and texture and peeling and scribbling and remember that like the eucalypts our bodies traverse time and season and they are our homes our means of expression our means of putting down roots and making life connections.
It may be a season where we rue the lessening light and start to remember that we’ll need jackets after dark, but Autumn this year is making me more intent on finding vigour and appreciation. I’m not going to fly off the windscreen; I’m going to find my own wings. I’m not looking to conform, that’s failure to launch! I’m joining Buzz, to infinity…and beyond!
Actually he’s pretty funny Buzz Lightyear. Adding the beyond may be irony, it may be superfluous, but it’s also hope isn’t it? And the choice and freedom to launch in your own life comes with hope too. So I’m launching into the season, but I’m also lingering.
It seems sometimes I like to linger. It doesn’t have the requirement to supress urgency like procrastination can, and for me it’s an experience of being with thoughts and feelings and sometimes I’m lingering because I have to get to the point when I’m ready to let them in. Sometimes when I’m doing the crosswords, and especially when I’m doing the Sudoku I’m not really doing them. I’m lingering. Especially when I’m doing the Sudoku…I care about the letters, I’ll stay with them and fix them when they are in error, but the numbers, if they’ve stumbled off the end of my pen, well sorry, I’m confident that without my intervention you’ll still amount to something! Ha!
I’ll linger over the letters. They seem able to form and flow without taking up all of my thought space and it gives me time. It’s the time to enter possibility, to work on the launch code, the time to recall, to prepare my wings, to bring alive again a feeling. As if some things can only be felt by degrees, not rushed or it’s too much up against the experiences that have shaped me. Sometimes I linger now because I am still amazed at the feelings and want to stay bathed in them. I want to try them on again and again while the letters flow from my pen making their own connection, seeking their own completion.
The first step was almost always the same: The choice to spend time with what I call “attractions of inspiration,” those friends and partners with whom there is an essential sense of safety and mutual appreciation, and gradually spending less and less time with “attractions of deprivation,” those relationships which require inordinate effort to get the other person to accept us, appreciate us, and honour who we really are. As we choose to focus more and more time on our attractions of inspiration, our world changes. It is really almost that simple.
I want to linger with attractions of inspiration, including my own self. If Autumn is getting naked and revealing what’s beneath and remains then let that be an act of finding my true home. And I will be there. I will be at home. And invited in will be those attractions. It’s all about growing the love. In the Winter we can warm one another, take shape together, sew our clothing for the Spring.
Think about what you love most about this person.
Think about the quality of this person’s love for you.
Remember one time that you deeply felt the bond between the two of you.
Hold this person to your heart for a moment, and say “Thank you.”
And now, just let your feelings quietly ripple through you.
Practice this micro-meditation as many times as you wish, and just watch as your reservoir of love deepens and widens, day after day.
As the weather grows colder I want to linger in the warmth of that deepening, widening reservoir of love.
(Excerpts from The quickest, smartest way to bring more love into your life. Google it, you’ll find it everywhere…everyone’s sharing this when it comes to love and happiness.)
Your smile moves from your mouth
Through the air
Tickles me as I try to catch it
Your laughter is magnetic
Attaches to my heart
The light in you comes out
As you tease
Brightens me as I try to catch it
When your eyes shine
So do mine
Your shadow walks beside you
With animal instinct
Caresses me as I try to catch it
Your shadow is more
For me to know
Your love manifests
A coloured energy
Tips into me as I try to catch it
If your reservoir runs low
Swim with me in mine